it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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