I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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