i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
