i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
