matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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