Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Blood and glitter go together right?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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