sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
