You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
