I wish my penis had an off switch
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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