Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
