I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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