Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
whose parrot is this?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
