In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Houston, we have a squirter
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
