his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Of course I have a pirate flag
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
