It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
