Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
