fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
