i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
