he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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