i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
