whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
