FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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