no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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