Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
