Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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