I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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