Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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