You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
