I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
