i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
