Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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