The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
