New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
