omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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