he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
