I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
