Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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