This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
