So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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