im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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