I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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