He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
