what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
