I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
