I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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