hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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