It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
