i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
