Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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