Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
